The idea of ​​a 'alimony card' has exposed long-standing problems of Sunday dads

There is a grain of truth in the initiative that appeared in Russia the other day: to create a special card (a child support bank card) to which fathers could transfer money and control its use. It seems that transparency is only beneficial to any relationship. However, attitudes to this initiative are clearly divided along gender lines. The paying party (the male majority) warmly support the initiative. But the recipients - in the person of divorced mothers - are sure that the idea is doomed to failure.

The idea of ​​creating a "Children's Card" - a special account through which the alimony payer will be able to see all transactions of the amount transferred by him - was voiced by the deputy chairman of the commission of the Public Chamber of the Russian Federation on demographic issues Pavel Pozhigailo, which revived the discussion, since the "ghost of the alimony card" has been wandering around the Russian Federation for quite a long time. During the discussion of the improper use of funds transferred to the child, the chairperson of the board of the public center for the protection of traditional family values ​​"Ivan Chai" Elina Zhgutova and a number of other socially significant officials spoke about it. Member of the Federation Council Committee on Constitutional Legislation and State Building Elena Mizulina is also on the side of such an innovation - and, naturally, divorced fathers who pay. Some of them, working in the economic and financial sectors, even support their agreement with the DABK (Children's Alimony Bank Card) with figures indicating the "non-targeted" use of the funds they transfer by their former halves. They also explain the technical algorithm for creating the DABK: it is issued by the bank to the recipient of alimony based on her and the child's father's passport, a certificate of their divorce, the child's birth certificate and a court order awarding alimony payments. Enthusiasts also suggest attracting "gray" fathers who have not received such a court order, but who help their children, with whom they do not live, through their mothers. They will be able to attach to the package of documents for the DABK even the results of a DNA test confirming paternity, or a handwritten and notarized confession of paternity.

— A lot of rich men pay the women who have given birth to their children for the purpose of material gain, — says Dmitry, a manager of a large domestic bank, who himself, in his words, is pulling such a “yoke”. — Believe me, even an oligarch would not want his mother to take her young lovers to resorts or squander it on her own rejuvenation and adornment with the financial aid for the child conceived by him. But many do not have any official papers, everything is on their word of honor, and they pay only because they are decent people.

Similar arguments are made in "alik clubs" - RuNet publics that unite alimony defaulters who are not oligarchs, but have become such by court order. Comrades in this misfortune call each other "Aliks", and their situation - alimony slavery. Here they are sure: only with DABKa will "aliks" cease to be the only stable sources of income for their exes.

- Think about it, it's wonderful! - one of the "alics" is delighted. - The father tops up the card balance every month to the amount required by law, which makes life easier for the bailiffs and guardianship authorities, where lying divorcees can tell tales that they are not being paid, while she herself has already squandered everything.

The imagination of the "Aliks" has already drawn up groups of goods and services that cannot be paid for with DABKa - cosmetics, adult clothing, entertainment, etc. Also, funds from DABKa cannot be cashed at an ATM, "so as to throw it away": it can only be used to pay for goods and services for a child. And the "alimony slave" should, upon the first request (and for free!) receive a statement from the bank on the movement of funds on the DABKa of his ex. And the guarantor of care for children, in the opinion of the "Aliks", should be a criminal article for fraudulent machinations with a maternal card with a punishment from a fine to imprisonment. And an article on encouraging especially vigilant "Aliks" with a bonus from the state can be squeezed into the administrative code.

This is how a blogger from the men's online movement sees the advantages of such an approach: "There is no point in hunting for rich men with the purpose of getting pregnant, let them choose based on love; it will be less profitable for a woman to divorce a well-earning husband; a minimum, or almost zero, bureaucracy in the alimony case; the man's safety, the entire payment history will be stored in the bank, even if he lost the payment documents, which some exes are happy to use. And this is only the first step towards the abolition of alimony slavery." The disadvantages of DABK, seen through the eyes of men, are also more like advantages: in their opinion, recipients of alimony will "launder" funds from DABK, buying children's things for married friends in exchange for cash, and "will eventually quarrel because of snitching." And in "divorced women", which their spouses have now become. "Aliki" generally see the reason for the collapse of families: "Married people cannot communicate with such people, all communication between divorced women comes down to various attempts to set her married friend against her husband and destroy the family."

But from the female "half" of DABK it looks different. In publics uniting the former halves of "Aliks", they believe that this is only the first step in a sea of ​​male claims, and not only to the exes, but also to complaints to official bodies, which they will load "more than complainants about alimony defaulters". Moreover, the ladies predict endless disputes on very "stingy" topics, according to them, very typical of "Aliks": why does a child need new shoes, couldn't they buy used ones at an online flea market, there are excellent children's things there! According to the receiving side, "Aliks" with an average salary for some reason are always sure that "their 10 thousand a month can pay for the Maldives, a fur coat and a hot macho as a gift". The opinion of the female majority was expressed by a blogger from the women's movement, who believes that alimony defaulters with high incomes are only a narrow layer, and with average payments, the lion's share of the child's expenses is borne by the mother herself and her relatives:

— Grandmothers and grandfathers participate, if they are lucky – from both sides. Sometimes it even reaches great-grandmothers and great-grandfathers! Maybe they also want to see what their money was spent on. Let them transfer it to the card too?

On behalf of all divorcees, the blogger reminds that raising a child requires not only money, but also significant physical and time expenditures. And since we have already started tracking maternal expenses, why not track paternal involvement as well - the actual time devoted to the child with full physical and psychological dedication.

— How can I take into account, for example, that I spend my vacation time helping my son improve his school subjects, and my ex spends his vacation time renovating his mother’s dacha? — gives an example Victoria, a single mother from the Moscow region who receives assistance from “Alik” with a modest salary. — And when he shows up on Sundays, my ex doesn’t talk to the child, but sits down to dinner right away. And then, while waiting for dinner, he pushes the couch under the pretext of “I’ll show my son a new movie.” Of course, I can stop feeding him, especially if DABKu is really introduced. I’ll say that food for adult men doesn’t make it through it, and I’m not obligated to treat him with my salary. But I’m afraid that he’ll stop coming to see my son altogether.

The fantasy on the female side is no worse than on the male side. Here they have already come up with a female answer to DABK: introduce a male bracelet (or better yet, a collar!) for Sunday dads, recording how much time and effort, including psychological, "alik" spends on the child every month. And a symmetrical article in the Criminal Code for fraudulent machinations with a father's bracelet with a punishment from a fine to imprisonment.