Psychologist: In children's sports, the line between support and pressure can be subtle

It's important to support children in sports not by setting demands, but through attentive presence and understanding, says Ewa Serwotka, a sports psychologist at SWPS University. According to her, in line with the concept of positive sport, the primary focus should not be the result, but values: health, mental well-being, personal development, and relationships.

According to the V4Sport Foundation's report on the state of physical activity of children and adolescents in Poland, only 16.8% of children and adolescents in Poland meet the basic recommendations of the World Health Organization – i.e., at least 60 minutes of moderate or intense physical activity per day.

"Over recent years, we have observed a decline in overall physical activity, exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic, social isolation, and an increase in sedentary behavior (e.g., screen time). The physical condition of young Poles is deteriorating not only in terms of performance, but also motor and psychosocial aspects," notes Ewa Serwotka, sports psychologist and content director of the "Child and Youth Sports Psychology" program at SWPS University, quoted in a press release posted on the university's website. She emphasizes that a lack of exercise translates into problems with concentration, emotion regulation, and a sense of self-efficacy.

Practicing sports not only helps build fitness but also—as the expert points out—mental resilience and supports the emotional development of children and young people. "It's a space where children and young people learn cooperation, communication, empathy, and conflict resolution," emphasizes Ewa Serwotka.

For many young people, sports also contribute to building identity and a sense of belonging. "The training group, the coaches, the training rituals—all of this creates a world in which a child feels important, noticed, and appreciated," he says.

In her opinion, a systematic approach to promoting physical activity is necessary in schools and homes. Serwotka emphasizes the crucial role of parents in fostering a child's vision of sport.

"Parents and guardians are the first models of behavior for children, and their attitudes shape motivation, self-esteem, and attitudes toward success and failure. Research suggests that children adopt not only activity patterns but also a way of thinking about effort and competition," explains the psychologist. "Furthermore, emotional support from adults fosters the development of mental resilience and helps young athletes cope with stressful situations."

The expert notes that many parents accept exemptions from physical education classes, especially among teenagers, which is largely influenced by, among other things, adults' personal experiences and beliefs.

On the other hand, there are also parents who use excessive criticism, comparisons with others or excessive focus on results, and such behaviors can lower the child's self-esteem and lead to mental overload and, consequently, burnout.

"In children's sports, the line between support and pressure can be subtle – it's easy to cross it without even realizing it," says the expert. "And when that happens, the child begins to lose what's most valuable in sports: ease, fun, a sense of development, and genuine passion."

Research shows that excessive expectations from adults not only rob a child of the joy of gaming, but also lower their self-esteem and increase stress levels.

As we read in the SWPS press release, "the source of pressure often lies in deeply rooted beliefs in sports culture, such as: 'result above all,' where sporting success becomes the sole measure of value; 'no pain, no gain,' which glorifies suffering as a necessary element of development; 'what the shell of youth absorbs...', i.e. excessive investment in training at the expense of spontaneity and childhood; or 'because I say so,' i.e. an authoritarian style of communication that deprives a child of the space to express their own opinion."

"Such attitudes, though often disguised as care and commitment, can take the form of psychological abuse under the guise of motivation. Cynicism, disguised as 'building relationships,' often masks a lack of empathy and genuine understanding of a child's emotions," the expert believes.

Over time, subtle signals that something is wrong may emerge – the parent analyzes the match more than the child, comments on every mistake, and imposes messages like "you have to win" or "you can't let the team down." "Instead of enjoying the game, a young player begins to fear failure and disappointment. It's important for every parent to ask themselves: is my support building up the child, or is it fulfilling my own ambitions?" says Ewa Serwotka.

As he explains, "children build their self-image based on whether they 'deserve' acceptance through their performance. This leads to fear of failure, tension, and a decline in self-esteem. The child begins to function in an 'I have to' mode rather than an 'I want to' or 'I decide to' mode, which can lead to burnout—even if sports were previously their passion."

Under such pressure, young people experience an internal conflict: on the one hand, they want to meet adult expectations, and on the other, they need autonomy and space for their own decisions and emotions. An imbalance in this balance can result in withdrawal, difficulty regulating emotions, and even withdrawal from sports.

A child who trains with the intention of not failing – instead of developing – carries a burden that is inappropriate for his or her age and may experience deep emotional difficulties, emphasizes the SWPS expert.

"It's worth supporting children not by setting demands, but through attentive presence and understanding," advises the sports psychologist. She notes that "according to the idea of positive sport, it's not the result that should be at the forefront, but values such as health, mental well-being, personal development, and relationships."

Maintaining the joy of exercise is possible, among other things, by praising effort, not just success, which, according to research, builds a growth mindset.

As emphasized in the SWPS press release, "celebrating small steps and appreciating the process helps children understand that value lies in commitment, not just in medals."

Shared physical activity is crucial. "Children learn by observing adults. When a parent becomes a partner in exercise, they model healthy habits and create positive associations with sport," SWPS emphasized in a press release.

According to the self-determination theory, a sense of autonomy, i.e. allowing the child to choose their discipline or pace of development, is also essential to maintaining a child's intrinsic motivation.

According to research, children build their self-image based on messages from the adults closest to them. Therefore, in children's sports, what a child hears after leaving the field, mat, or court is crucial.

The sports psychologist emphasizes that "parents' reactions after competitions—both successful and unsuccessful—have a huge impact on a young athlete's beliefs, emotions, and motivation." A parent who can regulate their own emotions, doesn't transfer frustration to their child, and doesn't judge them based on their results, becomes a safe point of reference for them, the sports psychologist emphasizes.

After a victory, a parent can say, for example, "I'm proud of you because you gave it your all," or "I can see you had fun," the expert advises. In turn, after a loss, parents should show support and ask, for example, "How do you feel about that?" or say, "That was a good lesson, what can we improve?" or praise, "I'm glad you looked for solutions—that's the most important thing." "This will show the child that emotions are important and that failure doesn't define their worth," emphasizes Ewa Serwotka. (PAP)

Science in Poland

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