The invisible burden of living far away and long-distance love

Question: Good evening, doctor. I live abroad , but my wife is in the Dominican Republic. I live under constant pressure because I have my responsibilities here, but also those back home.

Communication with my wife has gone from bad to worse, and every time I talk to her trying to explain how I feel, her response is that she's also having a hard time and that "that's the life I got."

Things here are very different from what you think when you're there. We've been together for almost 12 years, and I've always been faithful, but there are many temptations here, and I really just want someone I can vent to and maybe receive a word of encouragement.

I hope you can help me, because I really need it. I want to stay without "my tail in my step."

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Answer

Hello! I have so many questions for you! I'd need your answer to understand why she's so reactive . For example: Did she agree to your trip? What's she doing here?

You might say, "What does that have to do with anything?" But the answer is very important , because often a family decision is made by only one of the two, and this causes a lot of anger, because the person who couldn't give their opinion feels like a low priority.

I would also love to know what she does with her time , because staying in a house waiting for someone else to contribute also breeds discomfort and discouragement.

I think the first thing you should do is tell her how much you love her, and your genuine desire to be together soon (this is very important ), because if you're not clear about this, heartbreak can also set in when you see that time passes and things stay the same.

Don't repeat the sacrifice you're making, because I think she already knows. Now it's a matter of connecting with empathy. Talk to her about your problems, your need to vent, but you must also allow her to do so with you. This goes both ways.

Make plans . Talk to her without judging her, just listen , and she should, in turn, listen to you, even if you think differently. Don't tell her about the efforts you're making to avoid temptation, because she's probably in the same situation here.

Instead, tell her how important it has been for you to stay loyal to your feelings for her.

It's essential to understand that what makes relationships work isn't about thinking alike about everything, but about having the ability to respect differences without forcing the other person to change their way of being.

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