Live easier: Do I really have to celebrate my resignation now?
Here's the story: Petra has quit her job. She no longer enjoys the atmosphere in the team. She can no longer identify with her work. She only wants one thing: to leave. Nevertheless, she's wondering whether she can simply leave quietly, or whether she should somehow mark her departure.
Psychotherapist Oskar Holzberg: Our life is like a river. Sometimes calm and steady, sometimes wild and raging. Sometimes it overflows the banks of the familiar, sometimes it becomes a dull trickle. We are constantly changing. And whenever something new begins, we leave something else behind. All cultures accompany these changes with rituals. For we are never alone in the phases of our development, with the new challenges, with the losses. Those close to us celebrate birthdays or weddings with us. We observe the rituals of our culture together, like Christmas or Easter. People accompany us to the cemetery when we say goodbye.
The necessity of ritualsBut can't we live without these rituals? Can't Petra just clear her desk, shut down her computer, and disappear without looking back? Yes, she can. But it won't do her any good. Because we need the rituals, above all, for ourselves.
A ritual doesn't change anything, but it tells our psyche that we're ready. As soon as Petra celebrates her retirement, or, because it doesn't feel right with the team, prefers to toast it with her best friends, it would be as if she were sending a message to herself that she's now becoming a different person.
Because we are creatures of habit: Even everyday habits, from brushing our teeth to choosing which leg to put on our pants first, are like small daily rituals. They give us stability and security. A security we seek throughout our lives. As children, we guard rituals fanatically, reacting resentfully to any deviation from the usual routine. As adults, we take tests, which are also always rituals and reassure us that we are truly up to new challenges.
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Paradoxically, we remain ourselves throughout our lives, yet we are never the same person we were just now, yesterday, a week ago, or a decade ago. Rituals help us cope with this paradox. They mark the stages of our lives that we can orient ourselves by. And they help us create a narrative about ourselves that tells us who we are.
Graduate psychologist Oskar Holzberg has been working with couples as a practicing psychotherapist for over 30 years and writes about it.
Changes are unsettling. Through rituals, we make life's threatening uncertainty more secure. Therefore, we shouldn't underestimate rituals. We should practice them.
Brigitte
brigitte
