Expert recommends: 12 dos and don'ts that make life easier for introverts

Extraversion, i.e. whether we are extroverted or introverted, is one of the five characteristics of the Big Five model and, according to psychologists, is one of the essential characteristics that make up our personality.

If we occasionally observe ourselves, reflect on ourselves, and analyze our actions, we can eventually assess quite well whether we are more introverted—for example, those who need time to themselves to recharge and have little use for superficial acquaintances—or extroverts. We recognize the latter by the fact that we often enjoy being around people and are sociable, and quickly feel lonely when alone. Similar to how we can assess whether we are more conscientious or sloppy, curious or conservative.

But knowing your own personality traits doesn't necessarily mean you'll be able to handle them optimally. A low level of extraversion or a high level of introversion can sometimes pose a challenge in (social) life. Author and blogger Sophia Dembling ( The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World, Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After, The Introvert's Corner ) has listed the most important dos and don'ts in "Psychology Today" that, based on her experience, can help introverts navigate life.

Yes, please! 8 Dos that can empower introverts 1. Learn to plan your social life

How many dates are okay for me per week? How much time do I need between two dates? According to Sophia Dembling, being able to answer these questions for themselves is important for introverted people so they can plan their week accordingly. Don't isolate yourself, but don't overextend yourself either – finding a healthy balance in your social life isn't easy, but it's certainly possible with conscious planning and self-observation.

2. Consciously say yes and no to society

For introverted people, it's essential to learn to sense when they want company and when they don't, says the expert – and then to communicate that clearly. And even if it sometimes takes a moment to sense that, a "I'll get back to you" is also acceptable as a response, as long as you don't make the other person wait too long for a response.

3. Let social pressure and criticism bounce off your own personality

Some people have little understanding or patience for introverts and perceive their needs as odd or selfish—and some show or communicate this quite openly. This can trigger introverts' feelings of needing to change or being unlovable. But this feeling is based on a faulty perception: Being introverted isn't odd or selfish, but completely natural, human, and just as good as being extroverted. Therefore, you can safely ignore any criticism or pressure you receive that goes against your needs as an introvert, writing it off as a lack of understanding or ignorance.

4. Get people who mean something to you on board

If this criticism or pressure comes from people who are close to you and who mean something to you, it's important to try to help them understand you. Explain to them how you feel when other people's expectations are too much for you, or how exhausted you sometimes feel after a whole day spent around people. If they love you, they will try to understand your needs.

5. Ask your friends and loved ones to text you before they call

Spontaneous calls can be disruptive for introverts and put them in a real dilemma, as they may have to wrestle with themselves about whether to accept or not. But others won't know this unless someone tells them. Therefore, the expert recommends simply informing your circle of friends about it: Ask your loved ones to text you or schedule phone calls. The same applies, of course, to visits—spontaneous visits can sometimes be even more difficult than phone calls.

6. Overcome yourself as often as possible to answer the phone

But if the phone or doorbell does ring, Sophia Dembling advises, as long as it's reasonably relaxed, to answer the call or open the door—because in most cases, positive experiences follow, such as good conversations with friends, a pleasant exchange with neighbors, or something similar. These experiences don't necessarily have to change your personality, but they can help reduce anxiety and stress and become more relaxed.

7. Allow yourself to leave when you feel like it

If you're going to a party or meeting someone, always allow yourself to go home whenever you want. You don't have to stay until midnight or for at least two hours. If you notice after half an hour that you're not comfortable, just say goodbye—after all, the others are grown up and can manage without you. If you don't make any demands on yourself, it will be easier for you to agree and go, says the expert.

8. Try to understand other people

Introverted and extroverted are two equally different manifestations of a personality trait; both have advantages and disadvantages, and neither is superior to the other. Just as you want others to be understanding of your needs, others want you to try to put yourself in their shoes and understand them—or at least accept and respect them.

No, thanks! 4 don'ts that are especially important for introverts 1. Don't isolate yourself

Whether you're introverted or not, humans need relationships and social interactions; otherwise, we become lonely, sick, and unhappy. It's best to establish a social routine that works for you and then stick with it as long as it feels good. And: Just as you sense being overwhelmed, try to sense when you feel lonely.

2. Don’t constantly cancel at short notice

Every now and then, it can happen that something comes up at short notice during a date—and it might just be a matter of mood. But if it happens every other time (or more often), it's just unfortunate. It's not possible. Other people want to be able to rely on you and know where they stand. So, limit your dates, think carefully about whether to say yes or no, and when in doubt, say no—but don't always say yes and then constantly cancel at the last minute.

3. Don’t underestimate superficial acquaintances

Introverts do well to conserve their social energy and focus on the people who truly matter to them. However, casual acquaintances can bring us benefits and broaden our horizons – which is why Sophia Dembling advises against completely shutting ourselves off from them. These days, there are relatively safe ways to connect, for example, via Instagram or email; it doesn't always have to involve a phone number and address.

4. Don't expect friends to always be there for you

Being introverted isn't a free pass for a one-sided friendship that only the other side invests in. Any close relationship requires both sides to compromise, make an effort for the other person, step up from their comfort zone, and show initiative. You can expect understanding, patience, and tolerance from friends—but only if you accommodate them as much as they accommodate you.

sus Brigitte

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