Psychology: 5 habits of people we like to surround ourselves with

I had a similar moment recently: I had a meeting with a friend that I'd been putting off for a while. Even during the restaurant visit, I felt a slight tension the entire time, though I couldn't quite put my finger on why. Objectively, my friend hadn't done anything to me, but something in her behavior—or in our interactions—made me feel uncomfortable.

I wasn't able to fully understand my feelings until I made a date with another friend, which I was immediately looking forward to. While we were together, I tried to observe which of her traits I found so pleasant—and which of my other friend's habits triggered this subtle discomfort in me. I was actually able to identify some behaviors that make me enjoy being around someone.

Of course, it's fundamentally very subjective which type of people we feel comfortable with and which we find difficult. Just as we are all different, so are our personal perceptions and feelings. But there are some habits and characteristics that most people probably find comforting and pleasant in others. And these could be among them.

People who are perceived as pleasant do things differently 1. You are empathetic

Empathy plays a major role in human interaction. How well can the other person empathize with me, my perspective, and my feelings? If someone doesn't make an effort to understand me or reacts insensitively to topics that concern me, it can create an uncomfortable atmosphere in the conversation. After all, we humans want to feel understood and to feel like we're on the same wavelength as the other person.

2. They are honest

If I feel like someone isn't telling me the truth, the conversation quickly becomes cold, and a certain distance develops. Perhaps they feel the need to portray their life as more glamorous or exciting than it actually is, or they're deliberately twisting an anecdote to their advantage. Or they're too afraid to give me honest feedback. Human closeness develops when we show ourselves vulnerable sometimes. We don't have to confide everything in the other person, but sticking to the truth in what we say fosters connection and closeness.

3. They are binding

We all get sick from time to time or have to cancel a meeting for another reason. However, it's generally very beneficial for a pleasant relationship if we show commitment. If we consciously make agreements and then keep them. This way, we feel important to the other person—and not just an option.

4. They don’t gossip

If someone constantly speaks negatively about others to me, I quickly get the feeling that they might be speaking negatively about me to others as well. Of course, we also talk about others with our friends from time to time, about issues in other relationships or friendships that concern us. Here, the tone is everything, because when the person I'm talking to speaks respectfully about others, even if it's about negative thoughts and experiences, I feel more comfortable and feel like I can be more open myself. And I don't have to worry about being gossiped about.

5. They ask questions

Within relationships, there are conversations where one person talks more, while on other days the other has more to report or process. In good relationships, this proportion of talking usually balances out over time. But if someone generally asks us a lot of questions and wants to know something in detail, it often leads to us feeling comfortable in that person's presence. This makes us feel like they're interested in us—rather than just seeing us as an emotional dumpster into which they can dump all their issues and emotions.

Brigitte

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