My incurable bowel cancer has let me see first-hand one fight you haven't considered

As someone without a wife, I’m spared the indignity of them holding up an ugly shirt against me in the men’s section of a shop and saying: “This would look nice on you”. Without a “What she says goes” rule in clothing choices – the kind displayed by the intolerable couples on the BBC show Bargain Hunt – I’m left wondering how many opinions it’s acceptable to get before making a decision. I’ve got better at making my own fashion decisions in recent years, although I am seeking advice about two pairs of sunglasses at the moment.

But how about the life-changing decision about whether to have an operation to repair my abdominal wall, which is blighted by a massive hernia? How many opinions can I get before it is considered too many? To recap for those who didn’t see my earlier pieces on this topic: The first surgeon I saw was very worried about all the risks of infection, of the operation not being a success, of my cancer spreading during the time I’d have to be off chemotherapy while my body recovered.

The second surgeon I saw had the same concerns but thought it was worth taking a chance as fixing the hernia will massively improve my quality of life.

The first surgeon was then upset with the second surgeon and we compromised with a treatment plan involving doing a laparoscopy to see if the larger risky hernia operation would be possible.

The laparoscopy, which would involve inserting a camera on a tube into my abdomen, was supposed to happen at the end of April.

But, after months of going backwards and forwards and meetings and assessing scans, I’ve been told that it would be “foolhardy” to attempt the hernia operation, so all surgery has been cancelled.

The first surgeon told me I want to stay alive, and my mum wants me to stay alive, and said it’s just too risky. He also said his hospital trust refused to pay for the surgical mesh he would have wanted to use to repair my hernia.

The trust apparently also wondered why, in a time of long waiting lists, the surgeons would devote a day to my surgery when they could do three or four shorter operations in the same timeframe.

Obviously all hospitals have bean-counters, and I’m very used to chemotherapy treatment costs having to be approved by NHS England in my cancer hospital. Still, I’m wondering whether a different hospital would have the same financial issues.

The operation risks for other surgeons would be the same, as my body is the same. But, if I asked for a third or fourth opinion, would I come up against the same financial issues of a trust not being able to afford some surgical mesh and frantically juggling waiting lists?

I think it’s worth asking for extra opinions because I may find a surgeon like the second one who sees that the hernia operation will improve my life both physically and mentally. Hopefully, they work in a hospital that can afford to splash the cash on a bit of mesh.

If not, I guess I’ll join some kind of hernia support group where I can try to make sense of what the future holds with a massive physical defect on my stomach.

A lot of the fight against cancer is trying to make sense of what the future holds. This is a lot easier said than done, and this is why I'm leading the Daily Express's Cancer Care campaign. It’s vital that all cancer patients get mental health support both during and after their treatment.