Psychology: Setting this limit is difficult for almost all of us
It's often not easy to separate oneself from one's needs in the maze of human relationships. We often fail to do so in one particular respect: our time.
To stay mentally healthy and at peace with ourselves, it's important to set boundaries. When interacting with others, we must therefore clearly state when we're uncomfortable with something. This includes boundaries in a sexual context or verbal boundaries, for example, when our counterpart uses derogatory language and belittles us. One particularly important aspect where we need to set clear boundaries is our time. And this is often the hardest thing for us to set.
We alone are responsible for our time"No one on this earth has more than 24 hours in a day," explains therapist and relationship expert Nedra Glover Tawwab in the "mindbodygreen" podcast. If someone around us doesn't respect our time boundaries, it's—as harsh as it may sound—because we allow it. It could be the friend who's always late as a matter of course, or the colleague who constantly expects us to take on their tasks. Or simply energy drains with whom we don't (or no longer) enjoy spending time.
"When we say yes, we're giving away our time," Tawwab continues. This isn't necessarily a bad thing—after all, we're happy to give some of our time to loved ones who appreciate it, either by spending it with them or doing something for them. But to ensure we have enough time and energy for the things that matter to us, we need to set clear boundaries with people who don't sufficiently value our time and therefore drain our energy instead of giving it to us.
How can we better define our time?That sounds so simple in theory, but how do we manage to more clearly distance ourselves from people and time-wasters who aren't good for us in everyday life? "We have to be very conscious of the time we have," explains Nedra Tawwab.
This means: First, we need to be very clear about who we like to spend time with and what we enjoy doing, and what our true needs are. Then we should ask ourselves which rather unpleasant things are unavoidable. Based on these two categories, we can then allocate our time. Then, when people request time from us, either to meet with us or to ask us to do something for them, we can weigh how valuable this investment of time truly is for us.
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This is where honest and clear communication is needed. This may not be easy for many of us; after all, it's never pleasant for anyone to tell another person that we don't want to spend time with them or don't want to do them this favor. But remember: No is a complete sentence. And after all, we only have 24 hours a day—let's use them in a way that creates added value for ourselves and, ultimately, for others as well.
Brigitte
brigitte
