Psychology: Psychologist reveals two questions that help those affected

We know from various experiments and psychological studies that, in general, it's good for us to bring joy to others. Giving someone a gift makes us happy; helping someone boosts our satisfaction and self-confidence.

However, some people experience feelings of emptiness and unfulfillment despite engaging and caring for others. In some cases, people pleasing may be the underlying cause.

People pleasing essentially means that a person is disproportionately concerned with what other people think and that they often prioritize other people's wants and needs over their own. At least initially, people pleasing usually results in those affected receiving gratitude, sympathy, and positive feedback. That's why people pleasing is so tempting. That's why it's so easy for some people to develop people-pleasing behavior patterns. And so difficult to break.

In the online edition of Forbes magazine, US psychologist Mark Travers shared two questions that people pleasers can ask themselves. Those who stay on the people-pleasing path for the long term usually fall by the wayside sooner or later.

Psychologist reveals two questions that will help you escape the people-pleasing trap 1. What is your motivation?

In many cases, engaging with others is very beneficial. It enables us to form close relationships such as friendships or partnerships, strengthens us in our professional environment, and tends to make everyday life more pleasant and easier. All of these are good reasons to devote attention and energy to our fellow human beings.

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However, people-pleasing often has another motivation behind it: Those affected are trying to compensate for problems with their self-perception through their behavior. The appreciation and gratitude that others show them for their courteous manner is intended to compensate for their lack of self-worth. This may work to some extent – ​​but there is always the danger that others will exploit them without appreciating them or reject their efforts. Making self-worth solely dependent on other people is always tricky.

2. Does your behavior reflect your true feelings?

Especially in intimate relationships, we often have the desire to make an effort for a loved one. We want a harmonious relationship and feel better about ourselves when the other person is happy. We often behave authentically, meaning we act in accordance with our feelings when we forgive something, make a compromise, or avoid an argument in a certain situation.

People-pleasing, on the other hand, often leads to a loss of authenticity. Those affected suppress their feelings and act contrary to them in order to please others and be as comfortable as possible. If this behavior becomes routine, this can lead to them forgetting how to express their feelings and respond accordingly.

Conclusion

The line between healthy social behavior and people-pleasing is often blurred and difficult to discern. A strong indicator that we've crossed it is when we ourselves are miserable, yet we're contributing to the happiness of those around us. The questions mentioned above can provide further clarity and point the way out of the people-pleasing trap: Learning self-care and working on perceiving and dealing with our own feelings are the first and most important steps toward freedom.

sus Brigitte

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