Am I allowed to travel even though my father is unwell?
"My father, soon to be 83, has been in need of care for five years. My mother is there for him around the clock, supported by a nursing service and me. Now my husband and I want to go to California with our soon-to-be-grown children. Our first time in the USA. Yes, the timing is extremely unfortunate, but we didn't realize it at the beginning of the year. My husband has worked there for months at a time for the past few years and wanted to show us where he's always going. The flight and hotels are booked and mostly paid for. The closer the trip gets, the more my mother tries to talk me out of it. Be it because of my father's health or the global political situation. My husband and my children are looking forward to the vacation, and I'm torn." Cornelia P., Gröbenzell
You are a grown woman with your own family. You are also the daughter of increasingly fragile parents. When it comes to your vacation, you have to choose between these two roles. From a certain age, almost everyone knows how difficult that is. Unfortunately, there is no clear right or wrong here. You can only weigh things up. You can ignore what your mother says about the global political situation. But underneath it all could be the worry that she won't be able to cope without you. How long will you be away, a few weeks? What will your father's care situation be like during this period? Will the nursing service be able to come more often? Would everything that needs to be organized be organized in advance? Perhaps you fear that your father could die at this very time. But you never know. I know adult children who constantly expected this for years, who cut short their vacations or didn't even go away to say goodbye to their seriously ill mother, again and again, until finally, when basically no one expected it anymore, she actually died many years after the first farewell visit. If you think that's possible, your hesitation is certainly understandable. In an emergency, you might have to cancel your trip, but you can probably get home from almost anywhere within 24 hours.
If I were you, I'd probably go. If I were me, I probably wouldn't go, or if I did, I'd have a terrible conscience. Of course, it also depends on your personality—and your mother's. Whether she ultimately begrudges you your vacation, your freedom, your happiness—might be something we could gather from your question. Then, of course: definitely go! And one more thought: It helps every caregiver to get out and about once in a while.
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